I feel like I owe an apology to all the moms that saw me today at field day for halli, and at swim practice. I'm starting to lose my patience, and I was probably not the best example of what a mother should be. Or maybe I just owe an apology to the little people sleeping upstairs.:)
I chose to be a stay at home mom, and most days I really do love it. I love spending time with my kids, I love being able to be there for drop off and pick up, I don't really love the house cleaning, but there's really no way around that, stay at home mom or not. I love that we can make the day whatever we want to make it.
It just seems that lately, I've been making it not so special for the little ones that are home all day. Because as much as I really do love them, I kinda need a little time away. It's been a few weeks since I've had even a meal without at least two children. I'm up with them first thing in the morning, I'm with at least two children all day, every day. I'm with them all for dinner. I don't run any errands, or go to any practices, or meetings, or events, or anything really, without at least two children, usually three, and usually without help. I do bath time and bed time every night, and half of those are probably by myself. (This is really all for Kevin, or you mom, if ya wanna move on out here!:) Not to mention, the constant crying, fighting, whining, and just destructiveness is all getting a little old.
So today, at swim practice, I wasn't so patient or kind with little ones wanting to sit on my lap while I was sweating from the already humid weather. I wasn't too helpful when they asked for something to eat....at least 3 times after I had already given them their snacks. I wasn't as interested in everything they were telling me about, whatever it was, as I should have been. So, sorry to all the moms who must've looked at me and thought I was a crappy mom. Let's face it, some days I am.
So, to all the moms that must have thought that, just know that I really do love them...really, I do. I love that JJ smiles whenever he sees me, and his little eyes sparkle. I love Lexies laugh, and how she talks really fast and her voice fluxuates so much when she's excited, I love when Peyton just wants to sit down and cuddle up with me, and I wish I had more arms to do it more often, she gets the short end of the stick on that one, and I feel bad about that. I am loving watching Halli learn and grow up into an amazing young girl. She caught 4 roly poly's the other day, and after 3 died overnight, she got on google and learned all she could about caring for that last one that she wanted to keep alive. It died later that day, but it was fun to watch her take the initiative to learn about it.
Basically, I just wish I could take a small break from mommy-hood, so that maybe I would cherish it a little bit more than I have been lately. I know these times will go by too fast, but from where I'm at right now in the thick of it all, it kinda feels like it's all standing still.
5.14.2011
I really do love them....really
Posted by April at 12:17 AM
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9 comments:
We have all been there a time or two {or ten} :)... so don't feel bad. It's all a part of motherhood. Gotta take the good with the bad... thankfully the good far out weighs the bad. No one looks at you like your a bad mom! In fact, just the opposite... you are a great one! The kids know you love too. Thankfully kids are so forgiving.... I think Heavenly Father made them that way for us parents. :). Motherhood is hard!! Great and wonderful, but hard! I love you bunches and hoope today is a fun-filled Saturday with the family... Hopefully Kevin is home today. Hang in there and try not to be so hard on yourself { though that's just what women do}. Know that you are wonderful and loved. Call me if you need anything.... like a few hours to yourself. Really, I don't mind watching the kids.
That's so sad April! I hope you get that break soon so you can go back to enjoying the kids as much as you normally do! I'm sure you weren't as bad as what you're thinking and who doesn't get annoyed when they keep asking over and over again. LaNea's just learned the "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" I've already learned that this gets old fast. Hope you get a better weekend and don't take things too hard on yourself.
We have all been there!! I'm sure those women were not judging you, but sympathizing with you. The fact that you are being so hard on yourself shows how great of a mom you are!!! Take a deep breath, relax, and try again today.
We have all been there!! I have been feeling like I am just going through the motions lately. I hope once we move and are settled again I get my groove back.
Maybe try and get one night out a week whether it be a date night or you by yourself. I usually have one evening off since I work and that is wonderful for me. And it is good for those dad's too. :)
Don't be so hard n yourself either!
did you see me yesterday with my like 50 children? i didn't win any patient awards, either. you were looking and acting a whole lot better than i was so don't give yourself such a hard time:)
I was sitting right by you and didn't even think that one bit. We all have our times when it is just overwhelming and patience goes quickly out the window. I love your reflections in this post. We all loose our cool and then we all beat ourselves up for it. You are such an amazing mom. You have 4 incredible kids that are pure proof of that little fact. Kids don't turn out like yours by coincidence. Those little people sleeping upstairs know you love them, and they are very lucky you are their mom.
Oh man, I've had tons of those days before. Especially since Brett has been in school our whole marriage, and all of those classes have been either internet or night classes. You just have to remember that we aren't perfect, and it's okay to not be perfect. Motherhood was never called easy. Not by any means, but it is worth it. There is also a reason Heavenly Father made us moms, and that's b/c he trusts us with these little kiddos. Keep your head up April, and remember each day is a new day. =)
I've felt that way more often than I'd like to admit lately! I'm sure at the swim practice (full of moms), there was a lot less harsh judgment, than there was moms feeling a little less guilty themselves while watching you (a good mom) loose patients. It's also just too bad, that during the stage of motherhood where you really just need a little vacation (like you and me both right now) it's impossible to take one because everything depends on you! Awwee, but yes, it's true, the bad AND good of them being little will not last forever...I don't know if I'm telling you that, or just reassuring myself right now.
You are NOT a bad mother at all!! I think we all feel this way, and it is reassuring to know that we are not alone in our struggles. Motherhood is such the refiner's fire. I feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all, and would love a break too. However, we both know how hard that is to come by. I guess, it's like President Hinckley's quote about life being like an old time rail train, with ups and downs, but the trick is to be thankful for the ride. (obviously paraphrased). That is motherhood. There are definitely a lot of down, but the ups are so worth it all!! You are a great mom, and your kids know you love them!! Put on a movie during JJ's nap, and take a few (lots) of minutes for yourself :)
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